What is the formula you learned for happiness was a lie?

So often there is this big, vulnerable moment with my clients, and if I’m honest, I’ve been there too. Looking around at your life and thinking, “Shouldn’t feel happier than this?” Everything you built looks like it should add up to happiness; the work, the family, the growth, the effort. And yet, there’s a quiet sense that something went off the rails along the way. Not in a dramatic way and not in a way you can easily explain.

If this resonates, you’re not alone. And more importantly, there is nothing wrong with you.

The Misunderstanding About Happiness

Many of us have been taught that happiness is something we earn.We believe it will come when we achieve more, fix what is not working or finally feel secure in our lives. When we live this way, happiness becomes tied to outcomes. But research from Laurie Santos shows that we are often wrong about what actually creates happiness.

This misunderstanding keeps us chasing a future version of life where happiness finally arrives.

Why Happiness Feels Temporary

Even when you reach the milestone, the feeling of happiness does not last due to a psychological pattern called adaptation. What once felt exciting quickly becomes normal. At the same time, your brain is wired to notice problems and compare your life to others, making happiness feel fleeting when it depends only on external circumstances.

What Actually Creates Happiness

The most important shift is this, happiness is not something you achieve, rather something you practice. In Santos course, The Science of Well-Being, the research shows that sustainable happiness comes from consistent mental and behavioural habits. The holy guacamole part of this is that happiness is available to you now, but it does requires intention.

The Practices That Support Happiness

Gratitude Rewires Your Focus

Did you know you cannot feel both grateful and anxious in the same moment? What’s really powerful about gratitude is you can do it without adding anything to your list. Shift your thoughts during the shower, driving, doing the dishes or folding laundry. Gratitude helps shift your attention away from what is missing and toward what is already present. While this doesn’t eliminate challenges, it changes how you experience your life.

Presence Allows You to Experience Happiness

Happiness does not exist in the future, it exists in your ability to be present.When you slow down and engage with your current experience, your capacity for happiness increases. Read more about being mindful in my blog on 🔗 mindful living here.

Relationships Strengthen Happiness

Did you know that loneliness impacts your health even more than smoking a pack of cigarettes a day? Meaningful relationships are one of the strongest predictors of happiness. If you want to feel more fulfilled, the quality of your connections matters more than most external achievements. If this is an area you want to deepen, you can explore how I support clients through connection and personal growth 🔗 here.

Kindness Expands Happiness

Where are you being of service in your life? When you contribute to others, it reinforces connection and purpose in a way that self-focused achievement often does not. Acts of kindness increase your own happiness, you can deep dive into 🔗 kindness here.

Your Thoughts Influence Your Happiness

Thoughts lead to words, both spoken and written. They become conversations, patterns, habits and eventually form your personality. Patterns like comparison, overthinking, and self-criticism reduce your ability to feel happy. Developing awareness of your thoughts is a really potent shift into more supportive perspectives that done regularly, override old patterns of thinking.

Small Habits Build Lasting Happiness

Happiness is not created through one major change, it is built through consistent, small actions. This is the foundation of the work I do with clients inside my programs, where we focus on clarity, consistency, and sustainable growth.

How to Feel More Happiness Starting Now

All we really have is this moment in front of us, and making changes that support living more peacefully has a domino affect on your entire life, both personally and professionally. You do not need to change everything, rather choose one area that stood out to you and focus on that.

Ask yourself, “What is one small way I can practice this this week?”

This is how happiness becomes real, not just conceptual.

A More Honest Conversation About Happiness

If you are not feeling as happy as you think you should be, it does not mean you are failing. It may simply mean you’ve been looking for happiness in places that cannot sustain it. You do not need a completely different life, you need a different relationship with the life you already have.

A Question to Reflect On

Where are you currently expecting happiness to come from? And what would shift if you started practicing it instead?